Saturday, January 28, 2012

Incomplete

"Mom, Dad, we need to talk about something, I-"
Seth was cut off. His parents interrupted him on occasion, usually with a joke, but it was rarely a reprimand, Seth was respectful and obedient to his parents.
"We don't have time for that right now, go get dressed or we will be late!"

"That's what I wanted to talk about, I'm not going with you today," he paused thoughtfully, and with a nervous smile that could barely conceal his thrill at finally saying this out loud, "or ever again."

Stopped dead in their tracks, his parents turned slowly toward him in uncomfortable silence.  His mother's became brighter and brighter red.
"What exactly do you mean? Seth," she seethed while trying to keep composure, "Explain to me what makes you think you can do without church?" She seemed to be losing control and began furiously blinking her eyes to try and wipe away the past 30 seconds.

The effort was futile and she snapped out of the emotional restraints and began to raise the volume, tempo, and all other aspects of her language that could help convey her fuming anger.
"We are not even going to discuss this, you go get dressed right now and be ready to stay after the sermon because Pastor Davis is going to put an end to this. You do NOT have the right dismiss our lord like this, if you think that..." Seth stopped listening.  His parents were evangelicals and belonged to a particularly "devout" sect that was more fit for the Midwest then for northern New England.

"Mom," Seth quietly tried to get his mothers attention, "Mom." A bit louder and obviously beginning to run low on patience Seth started to get angry himself, but he knew the only way to win this argument was to remain calm and rational, the two emotions that had helps him reach this conclusion initially.

"Mom!" he snapped, and she stopped talking, "Thank you, I did not want to yell but you would not have stopped otherwise.  I have made a decision that I have not taken lightly and if you would like to have a real discussion about it then I am completely ready to explain myself. However, if you would rather just stay in your bubble and dismiss my reasoning without a second thought then this conversation is over.  Do you understand what I am saying?" He had never taken this tone with his mother before, he loved her and would do anything for any of his family, but he was not about to let them push their archaic dogmas on him.  The first real decision he had made in his adult mind could potentially destroy the relationship he shared with his parents.  Seth pushed on "If you would like to talk this out I will be here after you get back from church, yes?"

It was quiet, not silent, partly because of the inelegant machinery whirring and buzzing in every corner of their house and also partly because Seth's mother had started sniffling.  This, as Seth and his ineffective father knew, was precursor to a stream of tears that, at the precise moment Seth expected them to, fell down his mothers cheek.

"Seth," said the silent party in the room,  his father's cadence was always calm and pensive, it took some time to hear what he had to say and on occasion was worth the wait. "That was a very lucid and appropriate opening statement.  I can appreciate what you are going through as I, myself, have had a crisis of faith. However, what got me through it was spending more, not less, time with god."

Seth gave an appreciative smile to his father, whose understanding was expected.  His mother, still leaking tears in as much, which was not much, silence as she could stand before exploding back into the discussion.
"No no no no no! This will not stand. I will lot have my son burning in hell because he didn't want to get up early on Sundays."
"Laura, please calm down, he made a point in an adult manner and I would like to respect his decision to have a real conversation when we are back from church." Again, Seth smiled at his father, who in turn smiled back with concern hidden behind it.
Seth's mother continued to talk as she was ushered out the front door, the flow of anger, disappointment, and holy fear slowly faded as the door closed.

Seth decided to finish his homework, chores, and any other odds and ends that needed tidying, he did not want his parents to have anything to complain about other than the topic of contention. With about an hour left before they would normally have returned Seth turned his attention to a few battered books that he has read and reread as many times as he could, in his collection were Dawkins, Harris, Hitchens, Dennett the Four Horsemen as they are referred to by the faithful. Nietzsche, Russell, Sagan, Hume, Darwin; Some of the most influential thinkers the world has seen.  Seth poured over the notes he had scrawled in margins and on scraps of paper stuck in the most powerful pages.  His inner monologue focused if a bit frantic, he needed to be ready and confident if he was going to "win" this "argument."

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